Who am I to you?

Who am I to you?

A friend or just a acquaintance.

A hope or just a moment of decadence?

What am I to you?

A beacon or the fire to extinguish?

A necessity or an illusion to relinquish?

Hours with you,

I am yet to deduce,

Am I a muse or a habit to amuse?

आज फिर

आज फिर जीवन की सरगोशियों में खो जाने को जी चाहता है

डरे हुए, थके हुए क़दमों से ही सही 

फिर मंजिल की ओर बढ जाने को जी चाहता है 

आज फिर जीवन की सरगोशियों में खो जाने को जी चाहता है

कहीं कोई मायूसियों का झोंका चीन न ले ये पल 

इन आरज़ुओं को फिर अपनाने को जी चाहता है 

आज फिर जीवन की सरगोशियों में खो जाने को जी चाहता है

हज़ार धोखों के घावों से ढका है ये दिल तो क्या 

फिर भी तुझ पर ऐतबार लुटाने को जी चाहता है 

आज फिर जीवन की सरगोशियों में खो जाने को जी चाहता है

Memories

Memories

Memories,

dance past the mist of  my mind,

slowly, luring me away from the mankind.

Next to my dreams,

they feel, they love, they taunt.

Breathing like a parasite, they haunt.

Memories,

those wretched memories,

bleeding me, feeding me, those very memories.

ना जाने कितने दिनों से

ना जाने कितने दिनों से

हज़ारों रंग उमड़ते हैं दिल में, इक नई तस्वीर बनाने को,

ना जाने कितने दिनों से ज़िन्दगी की किताब के पन्ने टटोले नहीं हैं

लाखों शब्द उमड़ते हैं मन में, फिर इक नया गीत बनाने को

ना जाने कितने दिनों से अनकहे नए तराने बोले नहीं हैं

हज़ारों तूफ़ान उमड़ते हैं मन में, उन हारी हुई ख्वाइशों को उड़ाने को

ना जाने कितने दिनों से नए आसमां के रास्ते खोले नहीं हैं

Character Sketch-Day 20 (959 words)

Day Twenty: The final curtain. Time to say your last words.

Focus Word - Final

Song Prompt - My Way by: Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

I am preparing to leave my office. I had worked endlessly for two days .I was able to convince the press of our mission. They liked the concept of our hotel. I am sure now that we will grow here. There might be some stumbling blocks, the usual competition- but they are the part of every business. The hotel will be opening day after tomorrow. It will be the biggest event of the year and Slaughter Valley. There is still so much left to do. I am satisfied, though the cloud of that morning still hovers over me. But that debacle is the thing of the past. I do not look at my phone at every next instant; neither have I checked streets after every hour.

I collect my coat and leave from the office. I have requested for a taxi. As I move outside, taxi is not waiting there. But instead there is Ishaan waiting for me in a different car. I stumble in my steps on seeing him standing there as if nothing has happened. I try to look out for taxi.

“Looking for someone?” He asked approaching me. “I have ordered your taxi away. I do not think you will need it. I will drop you.”

“How dare you Ishaan? Who do you thin I am? Anytime you can promise to come, anytime you can leave without even giving any reasons. And now you expect me to allow you to drop me in your car.”

“Trish, first get in the car. Don’t create scene here. I will explain everything in the car.”

“Of course, now I am creating the scene! I am like this only- volatile,unpredicatable, violent. Creating a scene, my foot.”

He grabs me by arm and says in the low voice. :”Sit in the car Trish. It has been the longest two days of my life.”

I notice his beard-shadowed face and hollowed eyes. He looks extremely vulnerable. But I chide myself for making excuses for someone again. But still, office people are starting to stream out. I do not wish to create the scene. In the huff, I sit in the car. He sits in the car and says, “Thank you Trish. I now you are angry. I know I have hurt you but believe me I did not have any choice.”

“Ishaan it is always the same. First our studies, then circumstances and now another problems. Is there any point in our being together when we are going to be separated by every second problem?”

“My father met with an accident. He is in hospital. I wanted to call you but your phone was unreachable. I had to go there. For two days I was there trying to bring him back from the brink of death. He might not have been a good father to me, but still he is my blood relation. Even you can’t expect me to leave him at his deathbed.”

I am shocked. It never even crossed my mind that there could be something wrong with him. I had assumed he had gone for some stupid business meeting of his. I am ashamed. “I am sorry Ishaan. But still the fact remains. I cannot trust you. That is why I always assume the worst.  You ask us to be friends but we cannot be. We both know that we cannot be “Just Friends”. The feelings have not changed. Even today we are attracted to each other. And not even friendship can function without trust. I think we should separate from here. Let me be.”

“Trish just let me explain to you the past. I am sure that you will forgive the past. Those shadows will be vanished. I told you I married. I married Vanessa. You must remember her. She was Uncle Manfield’s daughter. He was the guy who has been there for me in every difficulty .When my father was not there, he was there. He was very ill. He asked me to marry Vanessa before he dies. It was his last wish. I was helpless to deny him. So, I married him. For my father it was a business arrangement. For me it was a debt repayment. For Vanessa, I never understood what it was. I could not contact you. We were not happy together. Fights were daily dosage for us. Then one day she committed suicide. I was relieved that there won’t be anymore fights. I was guilty that she died because of me. I was so torn between everything.” He says remorsefully.

I already knew first half of the story. He had told me some. Rest I have guessed. But this does not erase what I have suffered. It does not help me lose my mistrust.

“Trish you are my hope still. I know you cannot forget it all. But please give me a final chance. I have faced almost everything. You are right our feelings have not died. And neither will they die. Then why not give our feelings, ourselves another chance. Believe me. Your trust will grow again. Just do not shut yourself out from me.”

“I do not know Ishaan, I do not know. I am ashamed and embarrassed right now for assuming the worst about you. But I can’t say it will not happen again.”

“Let it happen again Trish. I will be there. My trust is sufficient for both of us for now. Yours will grow. No scars are permanent. I will heal yours.” He asks holding my hand. For many minutes, I did not reply. I jus sit there. Ishaan tries to pull back his hand because of my reluctance .I grasp his hand.

“I am very afraid Ishaan.”

“Don’t worry Trish. We will brave every storm together.”

Character Sketc-Day 15(510 words)

Day Fifteen: Step to the absolute edge.

Focus Word - Brink

Song Prompt - Where Is The Edge? by: Within Temptation

In the shadows it awakes the desire
But you know that you can't realize
And the pressure will just keep rising
Now the heat is on

It's too late, there is no way around it
You will see for yourself many times
In the end you will give up the fight
It's inescapable

'Cause you're losing your mind and you sleep
In the heart of the lies

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
Where is the light
Of your deepest devotions?
I pray that it's still alive

It's the rule that you live by and die for
It's the one thing you can't deny
Even though you don't know what the price is
It is justified

So much more that you've got left to fight for
But it still doesn't change who you are
There is no fear you'll ever give in to
You're untouchable

'Cause you're losing your mind and you sleep
In the heart of the night

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
Where is the light
Of your deepest devotions?
I pray that it's still alive

You can't stop yourself
Don't want to feel
Don't want to see what you've become

You can't walk away
From who you are
Never give in

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
Where is the light
Of your deepest devotions?
I pray that it's still alive

Dear Apu

How are you doing? Today was the best day in Wales for me. I went to shopping with Ishaan and I had decadent retail therapy. I bought the mink coat, a beautiful dress which I do not know where I will wear them and amazing stiletto. I am so tired from shopping. Ishaan showed me the whole market and all the special places. We went to the shore and brought some balloons. I was able to walk in white sand. And you know it was totally awesome. I was exhilarated, refreshed and relaxed. I had forgotten totally how it is to revel in the natural beauty. Ishaan’s company was the icing on cake. Ishaan was absolute gentleman. He talked about everything- our common friends and everyone else in the college had settled. We laughed at the local public, some stupid customs. We had pizzas and chocolate truffles (He remembered that I like the most).

I am happy but I everything is colored with the doubts. I still desire him- I still want him with me. I know I need to maintain a distance from him. I can’t give in, I can’t walk on the same road again. But where is the edge of my emotion? Will I ever be able to overcome everything and just be friends him. He seems to want that. But I know it is a lie. I can see him looking towards me, noticing my usual actions with a special attentiveness. I so wanted to fall back to the routine and forget myself but I was tied up. I do not what kind of price I will have to pay for this new emerging madness in me. I do not know where this road will end but I so wish to erase the past. I so wish to walk that road again I wish I was not burdened with my past. Then I could be confident in the     decision I will take. But for now, I am so torn up.

I do not wish to meet him again. I know I am standing at the brink. If I took a step, I will again fall in the abyss of love. It will be so much easier. I know you will say then why not? Because past will always hold us down .I will always remember that he did not try to contact me. I will not forget those hours of despair. Ishaan says that there is a reason for what he does and he just wants to be friends with me. But honestly, I do not think that it is possible to be friends with hi again? I believe our feelings are still the same-at least mine are. I am no more sure about anyone else. I do not know how to refuse him. But I am sure I will find a way to maintain a distance. I will, rather need to find a way to move away from this brink, this edge. I cannot, will not fall again.

Hoping for a divine solution,

Trish.

Character Sketch-Day 19(562 words)

Day Nineteen: From the ashes.

Focus Word - Flame

Song Prompt - Burn It Down by: Linkin Park

The cycle repeated,
As explosions broke in the sky,
All that I needed,
Was the one thing I couldn't find,
And you were there at the turn,
Waiting to let me know,

Chorus:
We're building it up,
To break it back down,
We're building it up,
To burn it down,
We can't wait,
To burn it to the ground.

The colors conflicted,
As the flames climbed into the clouds.
I wanted to fix this,
But couldn't stop from tearing it down.

And you were there at the turn,
Caught in the burning glow.
And I was there at the turn,
Waiting to let you go.

We're building it up,
To break it back down,
We're building it up,
To burn it down,
We can't wait,
To burn it to the ground.

You told me yes,
You held me high,
And I believed,
When you told that lie.

I played solider,
You played king,
Struck me down,
When I kissed that ring.

You lost that right,
To hold that crown,
I built you up,
But you let me down.

So when you fall,
I'll take my turn,
And fan the flames,
As your blazes burn.

And you were there at the turn,
Waiting to let me know.

We're building it up,
To break it back down,
We're building it up,
To burn it down,

[We can't wait,
To burn it to the ground.
So when you fall,
I'll take my turn,
And fan the flames,
As your blazes burn. ] x2

We can't wait,
To burn it to the ground...

I wake up in the morning with a lot of trepidation. I do not wish this night to end. I do not wish to believe that the kiss yesterday was a dream, and I do not even dare to hope that the kiss yesterday was a reality. I am so lost. I am afraid that the past cycle will repeat itself. I do not wish to build the castle of dreams which will again collapse under onslaught of waves. I do not wish my hopes to burn by the flames of circumstances .I do not wish to lose everything again to false wishes.

But somewhere in the corner of my mind, I am waiting that there is an explanation to all that. I have lived with the belief that there was a rational explanation for everything. I accepted the fact that Ishaan could not come at that time- not because he did not love me, but just because our ways were meant to be separate. In fact I was the one who insisted him not to sacrifice his dreams for being together. But it had been difficult for me to say those words. Still I had nourished that hope that he would come. But he had left every touch.

Now here I am still carrying that secret hope. He is supposed to explain everything to me today .May be, just may be…we are meant to be together. That is why the fate is bringing us together again. May be. I get ready and go to café to wait for Ishaan to arrive. He had asked me to wait for him. We could have the breakfast together. I notice the other guests- a single lady with a child, a couple and an older couple just gazing outside. I wait there just enjoying the freshness. But the time passes. It is 9.30 now. I have been sitting here for past thirty minutes. I am getting hungry. I need breakfast. Besides, I need to report to office. I have a final presentation. To morrow is the first press meet of my hotel. I order breakfast for two with my eyes glued to the entrance.

My breakfast arrives in ten minutes. But Ishaan is still nowhere in sight. Sighing, I stat my breakfast, cursing myself for expecting Ishaan to come. Now, I am getting worried. Is he or is he not going to come? Is something wrong?

Suddenly, the receptionist calls me. “Are you Miss Trisha Malhotra? There is a message for you.”

I try to judge the time in India. May be Apu or mom has called me. I take the paper from my hands. But the message is not from my Mom or Apu. The message  is from Ishaan.. “I have to leave the country for few days Trish. Will catch you later.”

I am so shocked that I read the message again. It can’t be possible. The building collapsed without a brick being laid. I want to cry but I know that it will be useless. I have fallen again at the same rock. Is it possible to lock myself in the room? But no, I have promised myself I won’t break again. I have to move without shattering. Mr. Wilson is waiting for me at office. Resolutely, I leave the hotel to go to my office waiting for the ashes to settle.

Character Sketch -Day 18(510 words)

Day Eighteen: To chase freedom.

Focus Word - Fly

Song Prompt - Nightingale by: Norah Jones

Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer To a question I can't ask
I don't know which way the feather falls Or if i should blow it to the left

Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

All the voices that are spinnin' around me Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away

All the voices that are spinnin' around me Trying to tell me what to say
So Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away

Dear Apu

Hi.... I know I should have written yesterday. I know a small message of I am fine does not suffice. I am being an idiot ignoring everyone's calls . But I do not know. I was afraid if I told you everything you will be angry. You will be worried. I was just trying to help myself at being self-sufficient. But I guess it would never be so. I know you do not understand anything about what I am saying.

You remember when I was a kid I always used to worry that I do not belong anywhere. I was always trying to find the answer to the questions. But of course there was no answer till I learned to believe that I am special. I mean I walk awkwardly,I speak with the spending miles per second but still I am better because I am honest to myself. I do not wear the cloak of hypocrisy. I am again fumbling in the sea of questions.

It seems like more I try to justify everything the more I am tossed by these waves. First I lost myself with Ishaan, then I blundered with my engagement and now I am again falling after Ishaan.

Ishaan is just supposed to be my friend but he occupies every waking thought if mine.He gas entered my heart again. He is trying to revive those long dead dreams again. Today he took me to a Cliff near sea called "Black Ghost".

I wont be doing justice to the place if I say it wad beautiful. There are no words to describe its grandeur and loveliness  It was my dream place and there was a Prince there as well who wants to slay my dragon. He kissed me, Apu. And I was a willing party . I yielded to his every touch, I forgot everything -every question about his betrayal, every thought about our future and every notion about the past. It was just the moment and Ishaan occupying me.

Now you will be wondering why the well did I do it? The answer is because I was helpless-helpless before my feelings.

I ran away from there. Can somebody answer why can't I overcome my feelings for him? Why is his touch sufficient ti melt me ? Why do I always fall for the wrong guys? Why is ny fate playing with me-taunting me with dreams which can never be converted into realities?

Answers, answers -I need them for past. I need them for future. But I do not know where they are. Or if i will ever find them. I am like a bird trying ti find a sky but every time I reach at the edge I am at the sane place. I am so tires. I am like a rubber band, being pulled in all the direction.

I do nor know what I am writing. But U needed to write it. I an sure you will be able to sort out the above mess. Call you soon.

Yours ever-confused friend

Trish.

Character Sketch-Day 17(550 words)

Day 17 : How to locate reason

Focus word :Reason

"So how do you find my surprise?" Ishaan asked knowing very well what my answer will be. Purple sky with fog caressing my skin. The beautiful view of far-snow Laden mountains and sound of the crashing waves. Even birds seem to paying homage to nature here.

"It is just as what I imagined. You and me in the lap of God where there is no limit to what we do. It is just the place where I wish to be with you, holding your hand, losing myself in your embrace. Isn't it a perfect setting for our rendezvous. Ishaan?"

I turn to notice why he is not replying. Ishaan is looking at me with hooded eyes. He is smiling but his expression is perplexed. And that is when I realize what i am babbling. Somewhere in our camaraderie I forgot that I have left this dream behind.

"No , don't think about it Ishaan. I m a fool -the biggest fool where born in this world. I am rehashing two pasts in my present when neither of it will be my future. Sometimes I forget to reason my emotions. I forget to put a check to my dreams, even nightmares. "

Ishaan moves forward. " You have not forgotten how to reason. You just think too much, you just try to justify everything. Why don't you understand that you just need to live sometimes.  You need to forget and live. "

"Even when I am standing on the edge ?"

"Even then Trish. Especially then!!"

"No, Ishaan. At least you should not advise this to me. You were the one fir who I forgot every reason. Even knowing that I was not any March for you I let you sweep me off my feet. I lost my every thought of future for you. But where did it leave me? Standing alone waiting for you fir 6 months in India? Hoping against every hope that our love will transcend every difficulty ? Expecting that someday I will lose this ever-present emptiness in my heart? What did it leave me with?"

"No Trish. Do not belittle what we had. I do not know what it leave you with me. For me it left me with the knowledge that there is something called selfless love. That there us someone who accepted me for myself not for my love. I will never repent the decision we made in Paris. That was a gift for me. Someday , I hope you will let me explain."

" Why not now ? We both have been skirting around if for so long -avoiding it. Let us take about it now."

"No Trish no today. "

"Why not Ishaan ? Let me lay one of my ghost to rest !"

"Because Trish I want this day to be a day for fulfillment our one dream. " He take me in his arms. His lips skins over my temple. "Do you know I dreamt of this everytime I came here."

And then he kissed me. I resist but we both know I do not want to. The kiss is everything and more. Its our dream and I am helpless before it. I yield and lose myself in the past.

Character sketch Day 16(541 words)

Day Sixteen: Let it slip away.

Focus Word - Disappointment

Song Prompt - LittleLion Man by: Mumford & Sons

Weep for yourself, myman,
You'll never be what is in your heart Weep, little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really f---d it up this time Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble, little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really f----d it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really f----d it up this time
Didn't I, my dear? Didn't I, my dear?

"Trisha!!! Come I will show you the heaven. We can have a picnic. I am sure you will love it. It is just like your dream place....You know you used to tell me about.", Ishaan speaks.

"Nature's beauty without any commercialization, you mean. Only birds to hear my call and water to answer it." I reply dreamingly not hoping for any such place. "

" Absolutely. It is like God's castle on earth. You will absolutely love it. The place reminded me of you when I first saw it. Even today I go there to forget.Come." He insists."
I know I should refuse him. We are spending more and more time together. I am afraid that we will forget our friendship and move again to the next level. And this time it will be more difficult. He is carrying in himself the baggage of his first wife's death. I am encumbered with betrayal. I do not know how can I protect myself. It is like I am being weaved into the web of love and I do not have any weapon against it. Still I am unable to say no to him and i agree,sentencing myself again to emotional tumult.

"OK Ishaan. We will go."

I am rewarded by his beautiful grin.

"Trish you need to wear some flats, so that you Di not fall. And change into something comfortable. It will be a long hike. "

As predicted by Ishaan it was two km of uphill walk. But it was amazing. It was like walking in the canopy of trees. We have carried a backpack filled with food and water. The winding may lost its difficulty amidst our conversation. It felt as I was conversing after so long. Suddenly, I skipped and backpack fell from my hand.

We are so far away from civilizationand I lost our food. I am worried. Ishaan cones to me running. He is shouting "Trish !Trish!"

He raise his hand and I flinch away from his touch. He looks at his raised hand and I realize he was trying to embrace me, not hit me. He murmurs,"Its alright Trish. I am not angry. Just calm. You are not hurt anywhere are you? I should have noticed the loose stone there. I am sorry Trish. I just did not realize. I should have been more careful.I am never going to hit you."

His gentleness is too much for me."You do not need to be sorry. Its my fault. I am not yet over him you know. Sometimes I still have nightmares. " I start sobbing with the strain of everything.

Ishaan takes me in his arms and let me cry it all out. "Trish he was a bastard. Don't let him ruin your life. Give your life a chance."

"Ishaan I do not want to be a disappointment."

"You will never be. You are treasure. If someone did not care to cherish , then it's that idiot's fault. Just let it go. "

I continue sobbing till I have let all my frustration flow in tears. "You must be thinking I am so messed up. "

"No , I am thinking that we have still some trail left to reach our destination. Come let us go."

Character Sketch -Day 14 (618 words)

Day Fourteen: Try to understand
Focus word :- Intention

You know sometimes, baby, I'm so carefree with a joy that's hard to hide.
And then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry,
and then you're bound to see my other side.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

If I seem edgy, I want you to know, I never meant to take it out on you.
Life has its problems, and I get more than my share;
but that's one thing I never mean to do 'cause I love you.

Oh baby, I'm just human.
Don't you know I have faults like anyone? Sometimes I find myself alone regretting some little foolish thing; some simple thing that I've done.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

Don't let me be misunderstood.
I try so hard, so don't let me be misunderstood.

I am leaving my hotel. We have successfully created a press kit. My back hurts from sitting so long in a chair. I just want to walk round and round till the blood rushes to my feet. It was difficult job but finally we have settled a layout for a press release as per Mr Wilson's satisfaction. All in all, a good day of work.

For sometime, I was actually able to forget reappearing of Ishaan in my life. But now as I am getting out of the office and see his jeep parked outside, all the morning emotions resurface.

I do not want to sit in the jeep but neither I want to create a scene. And probably self sufficient people also need help in a new countries. I realize that the best course for me and my heart will be to maintain a polite friendship with him. I am a mature woman. I can have handle a simple friendship with one of my exes. I just need to avoid the emotional entanglements. Resolving to behave like a woman of world, I enter his car.

"I guess I have passed your internal debate test, now that you are sitting here. Come on Trish, I told you I will pick you up in the evening. You could have done your delebrations many times now. But no, you had to make me wait in this freezing temperature like a fool." Ishaan lashes at me. I am bewildered. I just made him wait for a few moment. I do not deserve this idiotic shouting.

"Ishaan it was just a few minutes. and you actually cannot blame me for being reluctant. My distrust is a gift from you. I do not blame you but you of all the people should be able to understand."

"Trish...." he tries to speak but my fury has been unleashed. I had have enough of overbearing males.

"You Ishaan, you were the one who left in the dark of the night without letting me say even a good bye. You knew I just had a week more in Paris but instead of making future plans you relented on your plimited. Not only that you took a coward's way out. And now you waltz again in my life trying to help me and you expect me to believe you blindly ?  I have a news for you Mr. Ishaan Verma. I do not care to be a fool again. I will decide the extent of our relationship and I will take as much time I need." I stop my tirade noticing the emotions on his face.He looks as if he is in pain.

"I am sorry Trisha. My intentions were not to be overbearing brute. But I guess I deserve all the blames." Ishaan speaks with a self depreciating laugh." I am really, really sorry. For now and for past as well. I do not think I can justify to you in anyway what I did. But please do not misunderstand me. I would not be able to bear if you will also hate me. I somehow believe that you woyld forgive me, somehow understand me. But I was helpless Trisha. I will never hurt you. I am not trying to make amends for the past. I also don't expect you to swoon after you. I am just offering to help you."

"I understand Ishaan. I accept, rather need your help. But seeing you talking like that resurrected the old ghosts."

"Come Trisha.Blame my boorish behavior on this freezing weather. And tell me whats is first in your shopping list?"

I smile,"Mr. Ishaan you are truly in my clutches.I believe I will make you loot the whole of Slaughter Creek."

Character setch-Day 13(511 words)

Day Thirteen: All time is relative.

Focus Word - Time

Song Prompt - Called Out In The Dark by: Snow Patrol


It's like we just can't help ourselves
'Cause we don't know how to back down
We were called out to the streets
We were called in to the towns

And how the heavens, they opened up
Like arms of dazzling gold
With our rain washed histories
Well they do not need to be told

Show me now, show me the arms aloft
Every eye trained on a different star
This magic
This drunken semaphore
And I

We are listening
And we're not blind
This is your life
This is your time

We are listening
And we're not blind
This is your life
This is your time

I was called out in the dark
By a choir of beautiful cheats
And as the kids took back the parks
You and I were left with the streets

Show me now, show me the arms aloft
Every eye trained on a different star
This magic
This drunken semaphore
And I

We are listening
And we're not blind
This is your life
This is your time

[repeats 5x]

Dear Apu,

Hello Apu. I am writing from my car. I know you will kill me if I somehow did not furnish you with the details of my morning meeting with Ishaan. I did meet him. And I guess I came out unscathed, may be with few scratches. Will you understand if I say it was painful and wonderful at the same time? Ishaan has changed a lot. He may still look like God- same chiseled face, those expressive eyes and drool-worthy physique. But still it is like time has hardened his beauty. He has lost his boyish innocence and acquired a kind of cynical attitude tainted by world.

Did you know he is a widower? He married somebody and she, she committed suicide. Shocking, right? I am still not out of it. He must have respected her a lot. He looked devastated- somehow tainted by the sorrow of it. And he is not into business. He is working in some steel plant which is at two hours distance from here.

I used to belief he will live a model life. I mean I left him for it only right. But everything in his life has so changed. Now I realize, every eye is trained on a different star. What we dream, what others expect out of us and what fate gifts us- all the things are so different.  He is now a stranger to me. But still time brought us together after four years. Those four years have not killed the easy camaraderie between us. He was the only one (apart from you) who could understand and support me without any questions. He believed that I did right.

He stays near by the hotel only. He wanted to drop me to the hotel but Mr. Wilson had already sent a car. So, I refused him. He said he will pick me in the evening and get me acquainted to the Slaughter Creek. I was reluctant but he said it is just his duty to help a fellow Indian. After all, he had been living here for past one year. And I could not say no to him.

These are all the basics of my meeting. I am about to reach the office. Do not start shouting. I will call you in the evening with full detailed report. But Apu, I am afraid- very afraid. I am afraid that I will be sucked in the vortex of past again. I am afraid 'Cause we don't know how to back down. I am afraid our ‘friendship’ will again shift to the plane of romance. I am afraid that my heart will be called out from the dark into his presence. And I do not think, I am strong enough to take an assault now on my heart again. I know you will tell me that I am overanalyzing a simple situation but I can’t help myself-especially with the dreams I have hidden in the recess of my heart.

Have to leave now.

Love

Trisha

P.S. – I will call you in the evening.

Character Sketch- Day 12 (546 words)

Day Twelve: A virtual truth
Focus Word - Sanity

Song Prompt - Virtual Insanity by: Jamiroquai

Oh yeah, what we're living in (let me tell ya)
It's a wonder man can eat at all
When things are big that should be small
Who can tell what magic spells we'll be doing for us
And I'm giving all my love to this world
Only to be told
I can't see
I can't breathe
No more will we be
And nothing's going to change the way we live
Cos' we can always take but never give
And now that things are changing for the worse,
See, its a crazy world we're living in
And I just can't see that half of us immersed in sin
Is all we have to give these -

Futures made of virtual insanity now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

And I'm thinking what a mess we're in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother, can choose the colour
Of her child
That's not nature's way
Well that's what they said yesterday
There's nothing left to do but pray
I think it's time I found a new religion
Waoh - it's so insane
To synthesize another strain
There's something in these
Futures that we have to be told.

Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

Now there is no sound
If we all live underground
And now it's virtual insanity
Forget your virtual reality
Oh, there's nothing so bad.
I know yeah

Of this virtual insanity, we're livin in.
Has got to change, yeah
Things, will never be the same.
And I can't go on
While we're livin' in oh, oh virtual insanity
Oh, this world, has got to change
Cos I just, I just can't keep going on, it was virtual.
Virtual insanity that we're livin' in, that we're livin' in
That virtual insanity is what it is

Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity is what we're living in 

“I might have learned to fly. But you tell me Ishaan what are you doing here? You have a business here?” I ask Ishaan. I do not try to hide my curiosity. He has always been like a moon I want to have – so near yet so far. He laughs cynically.

“Trish, time has changed. I am not in my family business. In fact I am not in any business at all. I work here as an operation manager for the steel plant.”

“This place has a steel factory?” I ask idiotically but then I understand what he is saying. He is not into business. But how can it be possible? His business was his dream. My confusion must have shown on my face. He says gently “Trish, dreams changes. Mine has changes with the circumstances. And this place does not have a steel factory. The factory is located at some two hours distance. My heart was captured by this place. So, I live here only.”

“But Ishaan, I do not understand it. Why? You are super rich and your family business spans countries. Then why this steel plant? Is everything all right?”

“Trish, all is not what it seems. We try to live in a virtual reality- trying to please the whole world but slowly we realize that the world is strangling us. Our dreams, our hopes and passions - all die due to suffocation. Not everyone is like you. Always giving without question. I craved for the approval of my father. For him, I joined the family business. But he was not happy. I was not doing enough. There was something missing. I was always running to achieve a goal which only he could see. I even married according to his choice.”

“Married?” I repeat stupidly. That was unexpected.

“Yes, married to an heiress. For me it was life long relation, but it was more of a business transaction for him. In the end it turned out to be a complete mess. We both tried to carry that sham of marriage but failed miserably. It was like we were two pieces of different puzzles that could never be joined. Sometimes I wanted to slip the sickly ties-to escape from every relation I had made. But I knew nothing could help me. I could not call off the marriage as it would besmirch our family name. So I tried. But my every attempt to get closer to her was doomed. I could not utter even a single sentence without being misunderstood. The more I tried, the more she distanced herself. Then one day she rebelled. She killed herself. I was on a tour that time. I left the business that time. I did not want to lose my sanity like her. I wanted to adopt a new life, a new religion and a new work. So, I came here to drown myself in the work. “

“I am sorry, Ishaan. I did not know.”

“I know you did not know. I took every care but I did not have any idea that you will arrive here. But lets leave all this maudlin thoughts. Tell me when you arrived and what are you doing here? It has been ages since I heard my little bird chirp.”

Character Sketch- Day 11 (515 words)

Day Eleven: Let it all hang out.

Focus Word - Chill

Song Prompt - Let It All Hang Out by: the Hombres

(spoken): "A preachment, dear friends, you are about to receive
on John Barleycorn, nicotine, and the temptations of Eve"
(Bronx cheer)

No parkin' by the sewer sign
Hot dog, my razor's broke
Water drippin' up the spout
But I don't care, let it all hang out

Hangin' from a pine tree by my knees
Sun is shinin' through the shade
Nobody knows what it's all about,
It's too much, man, let it all hang out

Saw a man walkin' upside down
My T.V.'s on the blink
Made Galileo look like a Boy Scout
Sorry 'bout that, let it all hang out

Sleep all day, drive all night
Brain my numb, can't stop now
For sure ain't no doubt
Keep an open mind, let it all hang out

It's rainin' inside a big brown moon
How does that mess you baby up, leg
Eatin' a Reuben sandwich with sauerkraut
Don't stop now, baby, let it all hang out

Let it all hang out (harmonized) [repeat to fade]

It is morning again. I do not want to get up. I am afraid if I get up I will realize it was all a dream. I met Ishaan again yesterday, didn’t I? And if I did not get up I will realize it is all reality. Ohh god, no, no, no!! I won’t think about it again. I had spent my night tossing turning in this bed- imagining all kind of scenarios. I won’t be a fool again. I was done with spending my time in thinking of Ishaan- I won’t think about him. With the resolve, I get up to get ready.

“Hmmm, I wonder what should I wear?” I spoke aloud to myself. May be the blue silk dress.  I admire the dress on me. “Off, Trisha, Trisha!!! You are going to work, not to a party. You do not need to dress up for Ishaan. “

I finally get prepared-wearing what I picked up by closing my eyes. (I peeked a bit, but that was to be done. After all, I have to maintain my dressing style.)

I see him. He is waiting at the end of the café. He does not need to turn. I know him by the air heavy with his awareness. He, his profile and his face is still fresh in my memory. But this is not fair.  He is not bald; neither he has any protruding belly. He is still as picturesque as ever. But these past years has matured him. Instead of his charm, there is gravity in him – as if he will be there as a rock support. I frown at my fantasies.

“Good morning, Ishaan”.

“Good morning, Trish. How are you this morning? You foot is fine? “

“Ohh as new as ever. You know a small scrape cannot overcome me. “

“Of course, unbreakable as ever.” Ishaan says pulling out a chair for me. “Have a seat. Unbreakable or no, you need you breakfast.” We are served with toast and tea.

“So, Miss Trisha has finally risen over all the customs and bondages. Tell me Trish, how does it feel to tell them all to hang? You feel freed?” Ishaan continued, gazing at me with its penetrable gaze.

“Ishaan, I was never bound; I was just rooted by my responsibilities. And I would have left them earlier as well, but the reason did not arise. It is not easy, you know. To see the chilling behavior of my acquaintances and face their cold shoulders. But I learned to survive. I learned to ignore them. I guess you are right, I learned to tell them all to hang by their idea of wrong and right. I do not care whether they accept it or not- but I know I was right to call off that engagement. I will stand for what is right. I will not let the circumstances dominate me.” I realize I am shaking with excitement, or with the freedom of truth I do not know.

Ishaan starts clapping for me. “Bravo Trish, bravo. Finally my little bird has learned to fly.”

Character Sketch-Day 10(709 words)

Day Ten: Everyone's got a habit.
Focus Word - Habit

Song Prompt - I've Been Loving You Too Long by: Otis Redding

I've been loving you too long to stop now

There were time and you want to be free
My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me
Oh I've been loving you a little too long
I dont wanna stop now, oh
With you my life,
Has been so wonderful
I can't stop now

There were times and your love is growing cold
My love is growing stronger as our affair [affair] grows old
I've been loving you a little too long, long,
I don't want to stop now
oh, oh, oh
I've been loving you a little bit too long
I don't wanna stop now
No, no, no

Don't make me stop now
No baby
I'm down on my knees Please, don't make me stop now
I love you, I love you,
I love you with all of my heart
And I can't stop now
Don't make me stop now
Please, please don't make me stop now
Good god almighty I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you in so many different ways...
I love you in so many different ways....

Dear Apu

What shall I tell you about today?The day was bouquet of events. It was a fantastic day with the shocking end. I went to the hotel. It was awesome- the décor, the staff and the cleanliness- it was all as we expected it to be. It just needs the few finishing touches. I met Wilson. We have been working on this design for so long that it felt like I knew him from ages. He welcomed me warmly. Most of the staff I met was young and pleasing. So no problems there as well. It was just too good to be true. I know you will say that I am jinxing myself but believe me, these people did not condescend my work like others in India. They accepted that my work was important. Well, I know placid waters also have some ripples. We will see the ripples as and when the times come. For now, I want to think that all is fine there.

While returning I saw a book café and went inside. It was heaven. The wonderful smells of vellum, parchment, and pungent leather almost caused me to salivate. The dazzling array of book colors and  bindings was a feast for the eyes. It had been long since I have escaped into the world of these characters.  I know you fear that I will forget the real world in these characters but books are my best friends – after you, of course. selected a beautiful romance novel. I got so engrossed in it that I did not notice the time.  When I came out, there was nothing but mist every where. Those tendrils of fog curled around me embracing me, caressing me. I walked aimlessly trying to forget myself. And then as usual I lost myself. I mean I guess I must have taken some wrong turn somewhere. Don’t tell mom. She will again start on my habit of losing my way. I assure you I am safe.

I was trying to find back my way to hotel. Not many people were there on the road owing the fog- so I just sat down on a pavement to calm myself so that I can think about retracing the way. But suddenly I heard growling of dogs. Now I think to it must have come from the house gate. I was so panicked that I got up to move and twisted my foot. I know you will say tell me something new but that is what happened. Why have inherited this habit of misbalancing myself at every turn-physically and emotionally both? Why can’t I inherit the beauty or grace of my mother?

You will incredulous to hear what happened next. Before I could think of something, a car materialized with a guy in it. He asked me if he could help me. But I could not reply. It was dumbstruck by that voice. It was Ishaan-in his real self. He shouted on me for falling again (Quit laughing!!). He dropped me back at hotel.

He asked about my engagement. He said that he had always kept track of me. I should be flattered but I feel so betrayed. I mean I had loved him for so long.  After I came back from France, he occupied every conscious thought of mine but I never could get to know about him. But he always knew about me and  was not even aware. I waited and waited. But neither he came, nor any news from him. I thought may be his so called eternal love had gone cold. I was so hurt hearing that traitorous voice telling me to stop loving him because he did not care. But Apu he did care. He kept track of me. But then, why did he never tell me? I am so damned confused now.

You must be thinking that why did not I ask him. But as usual, he was asking the questions and I could not snake even a single question in between. But he is meeting me tomorrow at breakfast. I do not know what is he doing here. I will ask him tomorrow.

Yes, yes I will get the local number tomorrow. Don’t worry. I am fine.

Bye

Tc and say hello to mom.

Character Sketch- Day 9 (716 words)

DAY 9

Focus Word - Sick.

Song Prompt - I'm So Sick by: Flyleaf

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick 

I am lurched out of my nerve wrecking limbo by a voice saying “You seem to be hurt? Can I help you?” That voice is very familiar. But he cannot be here, can he be? These few secons stretch like an hour.

“Are you hurt ma’am? Shall I call doctor?” Before I an grasp what to think or how to respond, he is there standing before me. Similar face, but not yet same. He gazes at me, thousands of emotions warring on his face-happiness, hope, curiosity and at last an emotion of infinite sadness. The plethora of emotions playing on his face cannit be captured.

“Trisha??? Is that you really? Are you hurt? Why the hell can’t you stay standing on the ground? Answer me, damn it. Are you hurt in some way?”

“Ishaan, calm down. It is me only. And I am not hurt a lot. I guess I twisted my foot. But you, what are you doing here?”

“Twisted your foot?” Ishaan says with his eyebrows rising to hairline. “Then you are still trying to sweep the ground. Why is it so that the problems always follow you? And why are you in Wales? No, do not answer, let me take you doctor first. Can you walk or do I need to break my back?”

“I guess I can walk.” I hobbled to his car. “I was returning from the office and saw that amazing book café. I got so lost in reading that I didn’t notice the descending fog. Somehow I lost myself in this damn place. I remember the cut was somewhere here only.”

“Trisha, I guess you do not need to know the cut now. Just tell me where you are staying. I am sure I will be able to manage to drive till there.” Ishaan says exasperatedly.

“Min Hotel. There is a card of the place in my bag. Just let me get it.”

“Do not worry Trisha I know the hotel. But first we need to go to Doctor.”

“Doctor” my horror is increased. “You know Ishaan I do not need any doctor. I will be alright. Just take me back to the hotel.”

“Okay. But we will have to move exceedingly slow. This wretched fog reduces visibility. And I do not wish to kill any harmless creature. May be I can hear the story of your being in Wales. Last I knew you were to be engaged. What are you doing here. Pleasure visit with fiancée.”

“You kept knew about my engagement?” Happiness starts warming my blood.”Of course, you kept track. How like you to know everything about me and not inform me.”

His lips quirks into devastating grin.

“Anyways, I did not get engaged.” Ishaan suddenly applies brakes and faces me. “Not engaged? What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I was sick. My fiancée was an ogre disguised as a prince. Have you seen the people who love keeping people under their thumb? He was one of those bullies. For him, I was just a commodity – a commodity to be polished, to be displayed and I guess to be used. I was foolish to expect anything from him. He sucked out every ounce of happiness in me.”

“He was a fool then. Good for you.” I hear Ishaan saying. I am so gone in the story that I do not hear him- just a faint roaring noise.

“He slapped me. I wanted to scream but there was no one to hear me. Then Apu gave me courage.”

Before I can say something else I am treated with his angry gaze. “Good that you are here alone. I would have killed him on your behalf else.”

 Lost in my story, I forgot that we reached the hotel. “But Ishaan what are you doing here.”

He laughs and says “This is a story for another time. You go to your room and rest. Do take the medicine which you always carry. I will meet you at breakfast. You need me to help you inside?”

“Breakfast?”I repeat stupidly.

“Yes princess, breakfast. I assume you know what it means and you still have one. See you tomorrow. And so like you to ignore the question of help. Good Night Trish”

I get down from the car with the warmth and fluttery feelings intact.